“Keep it short, specific and professional”. This was the advice given to me by my mentor in my second school. They were telling me how to communicate across the table on parents evening.
This has been a good rule of thumb for all types of parent communications. It is also perfect in order to survive parents evening.
Dinosaurs fighting at Freepik.com
Parents evening doesn’t have to be as dramatic as a feat of survival. The panic it induces the first time you attend one can induce the primal fight, flight or freeze responses.
As mentioned in my earlier post How to speak to parents, the purpose of any communication with parents is to show them that we are aware of their child’s progress and how to help them to improve.
Be professional
On the day, wear your smartest outfit and go overboard with your grooming. Your resulting body language and demeanor will radiate as that of a professional. You will present as someone who takes the occasion (and the opinions of parents) seriously. The parents will in turn be more inclined to take you seriously.
Consider natural rest breaks and drinks that you will need. Plan at least one 5-minute block with no appointments so you can have a quick break and get refreshed.
Be prepared
Make sure that you have a record of all of the students’ school wide grades, in class assessments, homework engagement on your desk top ready to review. I always put it all in one place in an excel spreadsheet. That way I can select each child’s name as the parents come over for their meeting.
It is a lot quicker than clicking around three different sources of information while trying to hold a conversation. I think you can guess how I figured this out.
Look through their books in more detail during the two weeks before parents evening. Get an idea of presentation, attention to detail, handwriting, completed tasks and so on. This can be an additional comment when talking about how seriously they take their studies.
Be quick
You will be meeting with the parents of about 30 children, and allotted no more than 5 minutes a meeting. These will have been booked in advance with each pupil.
Stick to the highlights and lowlights but remember no parent will not appreciate you starting off the discussion in a negative way.
It is better to be factual as soon as the introductions have been done. Ask the student how they feel that they did in their most recent whole school assessment. Use that as a launching point for the rest of the discussion.
Be succinct
You can then talk about their adherence to homework. Pitch this as a revision tool, a way for them to review current and past learning. If they are not doing it, then this might explain why they did not do well in the exams.
You can also talk about their focus and engagement in lessons. Give an example of how they were busy communicating with a neighbour during an explanation, so when you asked them to repeat it back, they were not able to.
You can talk about their lack of equipment. For example, they did not have a calculator one lesson so they were not able to complete a task. They therefore were not able to assess their understanding or know what to improve.
This way you are discussing their shortcomings you have observed in the context of how it negatively impacts their learning.
You can also talk about their independent study. They could start to revise earlier, they can vary their revision, they can ensure they don’t waste time taking notes but practicing exam style questions and writing mind maps instead. And so on and so forth.
Rather than going on a rambling tirade in which to list all their wrongdoings you are centering the conversation on what they can do to help themselves succeed.
Be kind
Remember that if a child struggles to engage in lessons there is a good chance that this happens across all of their subjects and not just yours.
You might be the sixth person relaying the students lack of engagement to the parent so they may be simmering with anger at the child. This is not your opportunity to form a bond of friendship with a new ally. It is tempting to lay into the child with the no doubt numerous examples of their misbehaviour, but this is unkind as it is essentially you and the parent ganging up on them.
It is better to focus on how improvements can be made – maybe the child need to move seats to improve their focus, maybe the child needs to be given more easily accessible homework, maybe the child need to get support with anxiety they feel during the lesson because they don’t feel like they can comprehend the subjects.
Be reliable
Follow up on any promises you make. If you have promised a seat change, do it. A promise of an update on how they have improved their homework in three weeks? Make a note in your planner and do it. If you have promised to ask for them to be referred for a meeting with the special educational needs coordinator, do it. This is a great way to build mutual trust with parents.
Make the notes on a blank piece of paper either in a notebook or a word document. It is imperative that they cannot see any notes that you have made about a child that it not theirs.
Don’t make promises outside of your paygrade such as extra time for exams. Your school will have a process to determine the needs and special allowances for the students.
Be scared?
Of course not. It would however, be remiss of me, to not warn you that there are sometimes parents that are extremely defensive protective regarding their children.
Dinosaurs roaring at Freepik.com
If the discussion starts to lean away from being positive then get the help of a more senior member of staff or suggest that a meeting is held with you and the head of department or the head of year at a later date. Parents evening is not the time or place to get into it.
These parents usually know that the meeting is likely to be negative. They are worried that they might be judged by you for their child’s challenging behaviour. If you are neutral, factual and polite it will be hard for them to be combative.
Be enlightened
Yes – trust me. The most surprising aspect of parents evening for me was when I saw just how different the children were when their parents were present. The most contrary and belligerent child becomes a polite and sweet angel.
I’ve also had a situation whereby I was talking to mum about a child’s difficulty engaging and he took his phone out. I instinctively told him to put it away and he did immediately. Mum looked at me with a shocked expression. I was worried that she was about to tear me a fresh one. She then stammered, “I can’t believe he did it”. I asked what she meant. Mum said she couldn’t believe that he had been given an instruction and then followed it after being asked only once. She was on the verge of tears. My heart broke for her. I couldn’t imagine how exhausting daily life with that particular child must be for her.
Be short, specific and professional
The five minutes that you have with the parents will whizz past. If you can tell that a longer conversation is required, then make an appointment to ring them very soon and speak to them in more detail.
Be united
Remember that you and the parents are a team. You’re all working together to support the student to fulfill their potential and get the grades they deserve.
It is fair for you to expect the parents to give you the benefit of the doubt that everything you are saying and doing is in the best interests of their child’s education. You also need to give them the same courtesy that any questions and queries, regardless of the intensity or vehemence with which they are delivered, are to get reassurance that you sincerely care for their child’s success in your subject.
