How to Teach

“You don’t look that old. How old are you?” I have been asked different versions of this question many times. Just one example of the invasion of my private life.

My answer is always the same. “Thank you for asking me but I don’t discuss my private life at school”.

Child broadcasting your private life on Freepik.com

Just tell them. They are just trying to get to know you.

Not really. Some pupils really do care about you and do want to get to know you. Most pupils are just being curious. Some pupils want to have the bragging rights of having found out from you directly, which affords them the ability to flex when they share the information with their peers.

Regardless of the intent the answer should always be the same.

Those that really care may view you as their friend so it’s natural that they would ask their friend personal questions. You must always remember though that you are not and will never be their friend. You should of course be friendly and caring but this does not mean sharing personal information.

Children that need a teacher as a friend are probably struggling with not having peers as friends or see you as a trusted adult maybe because they do not have that at home. You will have had safeguarding training regarding what to look out for and how to report it should you have any concerns – it is always better to err on the side of caution, if you think it might need to be reported, definitely report it.

They just want to know your age. Why does that have to be so private?

There will always be a follow up question. They will keep going until you tap out. Part of being professional is maintain the distance between yourself and the pupils. They should not feel like they have the right to know anything at all about you. It is possible to have a great relationship with pupils without sharing your place of birth, star sign and retirement plans.

Harsh? Maybe.

Seriously though. What are they going to do with any information you share about your trip to the gym, favourite films, number of cats? Your intention should be to forge strong bonds of mutual respect so they “know” you outside of the classroom. They are children and you are an adult who does grown up stuff – don’t share grown up stuff with children.

Let’s get back to basics and remind ourselves that you’re a professional with a responsibility of care. You are there to educate them and teach them how to be responsible members of society. You can be friendly but don’t share your private life. Remember, they are not your friends.

But my private life is my life, nothing to do with school

Yes. But definitely no. I actively choose to always work in schools nowhere near where I live. Luckily that is easy to do living and working in London. I don’t want to come across pupils in the street/ supermarket/ park while I’m enjoy some downtime. It then becomes a game of “will we pretend we haven’t seen each other” or “will we have an awkward two minute non-conversation” (don’t worry they will be more mortified than you).

Some teachers actively live near the school they work in and they love to see the pupils and their parents around and about. That’s great for them. They are less protective of their privacy and don’t see any inevitable questions about their private life as intrusive.

The problem is that once you open that Pandora’s box then it can never be shut again. Once they have one piece of information, they will feel entitled to know more. This is even harder to counter if they themselves have shared personal information with you. It is up to you to decide on your boundaries in advance and then make sure they are not crossed.

Social media sites where your private life is display on Freepik.com

What about my socials?

Especially your socials. Your school will get you to sign on to a bunch of policies at the start of the year. Most schools are now explicit about what is permitted regarding communication with pupils and parents outside school that is not via the schools email / Teams / SharePoint (or equivalent).

Some good advice I got from my first school was to hide away all your social media pages, for example, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Snapchat – make your profile pictures unrecognisable, remove your surname from your profile, and enable all the privacy controls so any new friend requests can be vetted to ensure that they are people you know. Remember that mum and dad might be curious cats with different surnames to the pupils.

I have had pupils in two different schools tell me that their parents had found me on Instagram (luckily, it’s an old one from six years ago with only two boring posts but I’ve forgotten the password). Protect your privacy. Make sure that your private life remains that way.

Teacher telling students to stop on Freepik.com

So am I supposed to shout them down when they ask me anything?

No, that would not be friendly. Tell them that you’d be happy to discuss it at the end of the lesson. This stops you from batting off their questions during valuable teaching time. Their queries will become louder and more insistent – especially if they can see that you are not comfortable with the questions.

Some of the queries will be innocent, other’s will be downright rude and inappropriate, those need to be sanctioned in line with your school’s policy on behaviour.

They will most likely not come to see you at the end of the lesson to have their personal questions answered. If they do, then thank them for being interested but tell them that you do not discuss your private life at school. Any follow up questions from them can have the same answer. If they become belligerent and rude then of course follow the policy on behaviour.

Remember that it is up to you to decide if you are comfortable sharing your age / where you live / if you are married etcetera etcetera, they are not entitled to know.

So I can’t say anything then?

I didn’t say that. Remember to be friendly. On a tour of the school with a new cohort once I noticed that one of the girls was humming Dynamite by BTS she was blown away that I knew it and after that I was always asking her about what music she was listening to.

In a line up for assembly once I noticed a boy had a pencil case of my favourite football team. Every time I saw him after that I got him to give me an update on how we were doing.

You get the gist.

When you are walking around the school make it a point to say hi to every student you walk past. Make sure you say their name too, they love to be acknowledged. If you are approached by a pupil and they clearly want to talk to you but seem shy, you will get a response from one of these questions:

How is you day going?
What lesson do you have next?
Are you joining any school clubs this year?

The questions are open ended enough to afford you a follow up question regardless of what they reply. They are also closed enough to allow them to give you a one-word answer. You can also then tell them your answers to these questions, and they will feel like you are connecting with them.

What if I let something slip?

Don’t beat yourself up. It is a tricky balance to find. There are so many things that need to be negotiated and considered on a daily basis you’re allowed to give yourself a break. Protect your privacy fiercely. Don’t let yourself find out the hard way why you must always be friendly but can never be friends.

The school day whizzes past in the blink of an eye. It is therefore important to be intentional about every second of that day, including how you have your lunch.

Teachers during lunch break on Freepik.com

Lunchtime is my free time though, right?

Kind of. Technically you can please yourself at lunch. In reality, however, there are a lot of things that need to get done to ensure that you have a smooth running afternoon.

The length of lunchtime can range from 30 minutes in some schools to one hour in others. My “enough time for lunch” sweet spot is 45 minutes. This allows time to prepare my room and lesson resources for the next class, take care of any errands such as visits to stationery or the photocopier, take a natural rest break, get lunch (fridge / microwave / canteen) and eat lunch.

In the schools I’ve worked in where it was less than 45 minutes, I have had to be super slick with my time management. I have had to eliminate or minimise as much as possible such as errands and getting lunch.

I won’t be asked to work at lunchtime right?

Technically no. Early careers teachers should not be given any duties, asked to run clubs or have any meeting scheduled during lunchtime.

There should not be, for instance, a regularly scheduled arrangement with your mentor, to meet at lunchtime for feedback on lessons. You may, however, have to be flexible on occasion. Adhoc meetings may crop up which are, for instance, time sensitive such as regarding an incident from an earlier lesson. Lunch time meetings tend to be informal so you can most likely take your lunch with if you attend one. Err on the side of professionalism however and always double check that it is okay.

Lunchtime can also be used to have restorative conversations with pupils. Don’t do these by yourself in your first year, always have support from a more senior teacher.

Should I spend lunchtime hanging out with colleagues?

It depends. You will figure out with trial and error what kind of a lunchtime you need.

Some teachers (usually art teachers, unsurprisingly) love their classrooms. They are happy to eat their lunch there by themselves or with others. Remember, though, that if you do stay in your room everyone can find you and interrupt you there.

Some teachers need to get out of their room for lunch. They will go to the staffroom or canteen to have lunch with others. Eating with others is a great way to check in, get some encouragement, catch up with colleagues and / or have a mini midday decompression.

Teacher eating lunch with pupils on Freepik.com

Some teachers eat in the canteen with the pupils but this is rare unless they are on duty. Some schools mandate this on a rota basis as one of the duties assigned to teaching staff.

If you do decide to eat with the pupils at lunchtime, your best bet should be to eat with Year 7 pupils. They are the most likely to be receptive to teacher chit chats. Remember, however, that a lot of clubs take place at lunchtime in schools so the pupils may be rushing to eat up before they head to their own appointments. Keep it friendly but not personal. Use it as an opportunity to speak to them in a low stakes (not teaching them) environment. It’s a great way to get to know them as individuals and not just a faceless student body.

Teacher eating lunch alone on Freepik.com

All by myself?

Some teachers prefer to eat lunch alone. They don’t want to break the spell of the school day so they are happy to eat in solitude while they gather their strength for the afternoon.

Some teachers find a secret hiding place. Larger school sites are perfect for this. The teachers need the guarantee of a lunch that is not interrupted by either pupils or other teachers.

How not to lunch

It is ultimately up to you how you lunch, but there are some hard and fast rules about what you should not do.

Do not pop into someone’s room and expect their undivided attention. If they are alone in their room it is by design. They might be fine tuning their next lesson, having a quiet lunch away from the hubbub, catching up on emails or none of the above. Only if you have had a specific invitation or have developed a close relationship with a colleague should you assume that you can just drop in. Obviously if you need urgent help / advice / equipment go to the person’s room, get what you need and then leave. Also expect that you might be sent away without the help you need as they may be too busy to accommodate you.

Do not make phone calls home at lunch time. You may get caught up in a convoluted conversation that you may struggle to end. What you may have planned as a two minute chat may be a 15 minute rant from the parent. This is especially tricky in schools where you have to log every interaction with parents on the database. You may also have information shared with you that you need to immediately flag to the pupils form tutor or head of year. The best time to call home is at the end of the day. You can talk for as long as they need and you can do any follow up admin immediately after.

Do not go hang out with a teacher on duty. The purpose of duty is to be always actively watching the kids. Consider it the same as if you started chatting to a teacher during their lesson. In some schools teachers are not even allowed to be on their phones while on duty unless it is an emergency.

So how do I lunch?

Ask yourself what you need at lunch – peace, quiet, decompression, banter, rants, gossip? Provided that you note the “how not to lunch” bullet points above you will be able to find a style that suits you. Bon appetit!